"In our school there are some electronics that you are allowed and not allowed to use… Some students are allowed to bring their Laptops to school; you are allowed to use them for work only. Some Teachers disagree with the Idea of being allowed to use laptops in school. Probably because of the simple fact that when they were younger in school they did not have the opportunity to use Laptops in school to take notes. So the teachers just want the kids to do it the hard way. You can use Laptops and PDAs electronics. As long as there are no communication devices or music players then they are okay. Most teachers agree with the idea of computers in school including PDAs and Notepads because it distracts the students from the teachers class work. While on the other hand the students feel like it is easier to store information to there computers and PDAs to keep it organized so they can review theyre notes later at home and other places more portable."
Well, first off, there are some things to immediately point out. This is a wall of text. There is a lack of spacing and paragraphs, and that's something that has to be put in. Second, the grammar and spelling needs to be touched up. There are capitals where there shouldn't be and misuse of the three "there"s.
The article is quite insightful, which is good, but there is some bias where it says "The teachers just want the kids to do it the hard way" when that probably isn't true, and if it is, it needs to be backed up with quotes. That's the next problem with it actually. A lot of it is just information, but it needs some supportive quotes that would give it more flavor and make it more factual. Also, it is too short to fit the whole page, so it needs to be longer.
No comments:
Post a Comment